>>NOTE: Communication is extremely important in any relationship, but there will always be times when it’s better to keep quiet — and leave him to his business. To learn whether these “moments of silence” are good or bad for the relationship, check out my 77 Secrets of Love e-book series — and know how to make these moments work FOR your relationship instead of AGAINST it!
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Today we’ll be talking about communication in relationships — particularly about phone calls.
It’s always nice when he calls you up, isn’t it? It’s nice listening to his voice and talking, often for hours, about sweet nothings.
“I love you.” “I love you more.” “Hang up first.” “No, YOU hang up first…”
Hilarious, and often sometimes downright cheesy! But there’s no doubt about it — a good dose of “this kind of communication” is always good for a relationship.
It’s just too bad that as most relationships go along, it seems that boyfriends call their girlfriends less and less — until they stop calling altogether.
Has this happened to you before?
Did he call you less and less as the relationship went along, until he stopped completely?
Did he get bored? Did you do something wrong? What’s going on?
If these questions sound familiar, then this e-mail is for you!
Why Men Stop Calling
I think we can all agree that a new relationship can be like a new car.
In the beginning, we can’t get enough of a new car — and we take every opportunity we find to go for a drive.
But as time goes by, the “new car smell” wears off. And if you don’t do much for the car’s upkeep, driving it becomes a chore.
Eventually we see a new car model going around, and we do everything we can to GET that new car — leaving the old one to deteriorate, or sell it to a used car dealer.
Unfortunately, some men do see their girlfriends the same way. Unless the relationship stays interesting, they’re eventually going to look for that “new car smell” elsewhere — even with another woman.
But hey, it’s not just them, either.
Think about it — if your own boyfriend was a timid, kiss-ass type of guy who thrives in a boring, stale living arrangement, you’ll be looking for a different boyfriend, too.
You can say this is the same reason why most of your ex-boyfriends stopped calling you after a while — it just wasn’t as fun as before.
But wait, you say — how come some of your friends have thoughtful boyfriends who keep constant contact? How come, no matter how long the relationship drags on, their boyfriends never seem to tire of making that bi-weekly phone call?
The answer is simple — they’ve simply found ways to keep that “new car smell” in their relationship.
And with a little practice, you can, too.
What To Do When He Stops Calling
I’d like to share an e-mail I received from one of my readers a few months ago. It went something like this:
I recently broke up with my boyfriend of six months, and since then I’ve been wondering just what it was I did wrong. It all started when he stopped calling me up as often as we agreed to. The more I asked him what was wrong, and the more I made polite requests for him to call more often, nothing seemed to work.
Eventually we had a really big argument, and he told me things like “I can’t stand the pressure anymore” and “I want my freedom.” We broke up right after that.
Is asking him to call more often really putting a lot of pressure on him? It’s just a tiny little phone call!
Hope you could help me out. I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one of your readers with this problem!
First of all, I’ll admit — yes, many of my readers DO have this problem. Many of the “advice” e-mails I receive ask about communication problems, particularly phone calls.
Secondly, here’s the deal — asking him for more frequent phone calls may not seem like a big deal for you, but it IS for him!
We women LOVE phone calls. We talk with our girlfriends ALL the time. And we have no qualms about putting our best friends’ phone numbers on speed dial (and not emergency numbers like 911!)
But men are a different story.
Do you think men call their best friends and talk gossip for hours?
Of course not! (And if your boyfriend does, I have a bad feeling for you!)
The only thing that would make a real man pick up the phone and dial your number would be if he needs something for you.
And in the early stages of a relationship, he NEEDS to hear your voice. He NEEDS to feel your company.
Unfortunately, the more often you talk, the more quickly he learns everything about you, and the more quickly he gets bored of the relationship.
But here’s the thing — when you call him up and ask what’s wrong, or if you ask him to call you more often, you’re actually asking him to do things he doesn’t normally do.
It’s equivalent to nagging, and nagging never does anything good for a relationship.
And here’s ANOTHER SECRET that makes the whole idea a lot more depressing:
When a man stops calling you (or otherwise getting in touch with you), he very well may be taking a little time to look at his present living setup carefully.
He may be looking at his job, his living arrangements, his strengths and weaknesses, etc.
Because he’s trying to find how he’s YOU’RE going to fit in.
Here’s a bit of wisdom for you — a little boy gets bored of his toys, but a REAL MAN finds ways to keep the things he likes close to his heart.
If he stops calling you up as often as before, it doesn’t mean he’s “lost that loving feeling” for you.
He could simply be re-assessing his life and making plans to make you a permanent part of it.
The sad part about it is that so many women ruin their chances by nagging their boyfriends about the sudden silence!
Don’t make this sudden silence your enemy. Make it your friend.
How? By finding ways to use the situation to your advantage!
My e-book series, the 77 Secrets of Love, contains all the information you need about how to turn a relationship around, even bringing back the “new car smell” you and your boyfriend enjoyed during your first few weeks together!
Do you want him to start calling again?
And do you want him to actively find ways to make your relationship last a lifetime?
You can learn how in my 77 Secrets of Love e-book series, which you can start reading in a few moments here!
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Until the next post, keep learning about the right kinds of communication — and keep finding ways to make that “new car smell” last for the rest of your lives together!
To the happiness you deserve,