Thanks again to everyone who sent me their questions over
the past few days.
Lately, I’ve been getting a lot of questions about what to
do with guys who “aren’t ready for a relationship.”
One of your fellow readers summed it up best with her
“I’m dating a guy I’m really in love with, but he says
he’s not ready for a relationship… but at the same time,
he doesn’t want to stop talking to me. So what should I do?”
That’s a tough one! But the strategy for dealing with guys
who are “not ready” is always the same.
Basically, you have to ask yourself two questions. The
first question is:
Do YOU want a steady relationship?
Because if you’re just looking for a guy to chat, spend
time, and cuddle with on a regular basis, then you’re in
But if you DO want a steady relationship, then you need to
ask yourself the second question:
How Long Are You Willing To Wait?
3 months? 6 months? A year?
My suggestion: Ask him about HIS plans.
Don’t be afraid about asking a guy how much time he needs
to “get ready.” You’ll often get an answer, even if it’s a
vague one like: “I don’t know… 6 months, a year,
Then if you’re okay with his time frame, then I encourage
you to wait. If he truly loves you, he’ll stay true to his
word… simply because he’d rather sacrifice his comfort
than hurt your feelings.
But here’s the sad reality about the “waiting” game:
Waiting Won’t Guarantee His Commitment
Here’s the second-worst case scenario: You might be
waiting for nothing.
After waiting 1 year, 3 years, 5 years past his
deadline… he’s STILL “not ready.”
And you realize, too late, that you’ve wasted several
years of your life, waiting for nothing.
But that’s just the SECOND-worst thing that could happen.
The absolute WORST case scenario is when you make the
mistake of PRESSURING him into a relationship.
I hope I was clear on that last statement.
Here’s why pushing the relationship is a bad idea…
When you WAIT, you’re putting yourself in a 50-50
There’s a chance that he’ll (finally) be ready for a
serious relationship after you wait long enough…
…but there’s also a chance that he will still NOT be
ready after all that waiting.
But when you PRESSURE him into the relationship, it’s much
You’re basically giving yourself a ZERO percent chance of
Why? Because pressure scares men away. The moment he feels
you’re pressuring him, he’ll want to get away from you.
And even if he DOESN’T run away… even if he DOES agree
to start a relationship with you… it won’t last very
long, simply because the relationship wasn’t HIS idea.
So as painful as it may sound… if you want a chance at
true love with him, then you’ll need to wait.
But here’s my advice: Why just wait?
Why Not Make It WORTH The Wait?
Here’s a fact about guys every woman should know..
Guys change their hearts and minds VERY QUICKLY when they
meet that one special woman who totally ROCKS their world.
She’s the kind of woman who instantly and effortlessly
makes them feel secure and loved… who makes them feel
validated and acknowledged… and who makes their lives
easier and more enjoyable just by being there.
Suddenly, from being flaky and “not ready,” these guys
become focused, driven, and passionate.
They stop seeing other women. They start taking their work
seriously. They start planning for the future… with HER
Sounds magical, right?
Now let’s flash right back to the hard reality of things:
If you’re in love with a man, but he keeps telling you
he’s “not ready,” then it means one thing.
It simply means he doesn’t see you as “the one”… YET.
And that means you got to move FAST…
Firstly, you got to ask yourself: “Am I making his life
harder or easier?”
Because sometimes, we focus so much on a guy’s flaws that
we don’t see our own… and so we got to fix our own flaws
FIRST before we can fix his.
That’s how life is. Right?
And secondly, if you’re 100% sure you’re not doing
anything wrong, ask yourself a second question:
“Is there something in his PAST that’s keeping him from
One of the leading reasons why guys are “not ready for
relationships” is PAIN.
They may have gone through a divorce. Or maybe their last
partner cheated on them. Or maybe they’ve had several bad
experiences in love before. That sort of thing.
And like I mentioned earlier, he’ll need a little time to
prepare himself for taking the risk again… 3 months, 6
months, a year, or more.
But here’s my BIG MESSAGE for you today…
Ever heard of the saying, “Time heals all wounds?”
You might think that’s what he’s doing during the “wait.”
You might think you’re letting time heal his wounds of the past.
But you know what? I don’t really believe “time heals wounds.”
Time can’t do that on its own.
To heal wounds, you need to replace your bad past
experiences with new, GOOD ones… as time goes by.
Ladies, THAT’S what I mean by “making the wait WORTH it!”
While you’re waiting for him to “get ready,” get busy by
replacing his bad past experiences with other women…
with GOOD new experiences, with you!
Show him that you’re someone who LOVES life… someone
who, when he keeps mulling over a problem, would tell him:
“Let’s not worry about that right now. Why don’t we just
do something fun?”
Show him that you have your own dreams, BESIDES your
future relationship with him. Advance your career, study
the arts, read books, learn new skills, and more. Be ALIVE!
And most importantly, show him that you have your life
COMPLETELY in control… even if you’re waiting for him to
Tell him: “I love you, and I’m looking forward to the time
you’re completely ready to give us a chance. That way I
can enjoy our love without holding back.”
(Quick Note: You’ll learn all these skills in my book!)
Imagine Never Having To Worry Anymore
Imagine the two of you… an official couple, enjoying a
beautifully happy relationship together.
Imagine growing your relationship patiently and lovingly
every single day.
Imagine having great conversations with him every single
day… and each one of them deepens your relationship and
moves you forward as a couple.
Ladies, THAT is what happens when he sees you as “the
one.” He’ll stop seeing other women because, quite simply,
there’s no need for him to keep looking anymore!
So yes, he might not be ready RIGHT NOW.
Yes, you might have to wait a little.
But don’t just wait. MAKE THE WAIT WORTH IT!
Want to make the wait worth it… both for you AND for
Then I invite you to read my complete love guide on Dating
An Emotionally Unavailable Man.
Follow the link below to learn more, read the first
chapter for free, and to get your trial copy today:
To the happiness you deserve,
Relationship & Love Coach
“We all deserve happiness.”
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