The Lies About Why Some Men Run Hot & Cold: NOT What You’d Think

By Erin Elizabeth

 A relationship, especially the beginning of one can be pretty confusing. You have to not only figure out and establish your own feelings for a person, you have to also recognize and accept what they’re feeling, too.

When a guy is hot and cold—lavishing you with love and warmth and then seems to pull away at the smallest sign of a conflict—it makes it that much harder.

Behavior like that can leave you wondering what you think about him—second-guessing your feelings—but can definitely leave you in the dark of how he feels about you when he runs hot and cold.

Instinctual Behavior

 This might be hard to believe, but the reason why he might be pulling away, even after a wonderful date or when you think it seems to be going really well is that it’s just built into their system. Especially if they weren’t looking to be part of a relationship, they might realize how committed it’s becoming between you two and are looking for a way out.


Even though others may say it’s a guy being a guy, it actually might just have to do with the way he feels about himself. He might be coming on extremely strong in the beginning—wanting to begin something real with you—and then back off as soon as it gets hot and heavy (not that kind of hot and heavy). The fact that he was really into you and showed you and then was feeling insecure about how you felt about him might make him back off and basically, run away from the situation.


Especially if it wasn’t his goal to get into a relationship, he might feel like what’s going on between you two is getting pretty out of hand—well, out of his control, at least. The fact that he doesn’t know where he wants it to go can determine how he’ll behave towards the situation, regardless of how you get tossed around in the process. It can be confusing, frustrating, and make you upset but at least he’s happy..right??

Playing Hard to Get

This one is a little interesting because it’s normally seen as the other way around. However, if a guy comes on strong to you already and then pulls away quickly afterward, it might be his “oh —, what did I just do?” moment. This means he might have just realized the gravity of his words and feelings and didn’t want to let you on to how serious or how much he was thinking about you.

Basically, going in and then coming out afterward—in his mind—makes him feel like he’s keeping a balance between you two. Not showing his true feelings or doing so and then quickly drawing away so he isn’t easily-handled might be the behavior that will show you what his intentions were in the first place.

So What Should You DO?

If you are into the guy and feel like he’s throwing you around like a rag doll (and not in a good way), then you should definitely do your best to not get caught in the chaos. Recognize where he’s coming from but also recognize where it’s going. If you realize it early enough, you can either address him about it and make it stop—as in, he’ll stop his behavior and either move on or move forward with the relationship—or you should get out. It’s definitely not worth it to be in a relationship like that because you’ll just be getting your feelings hurt.

Regardless if you think his motives or subconscious, innocent or malevolent, if you don’t want to deal with it, approach him about it or leave.


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