"Why Do Men Really Want"
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This week, we’ll be talking about what men want, and why — for some reason — they seem to run away the more we give them what we want.
One of my readers — let’s call her Gem — e-mailed me recently about how this annoying, illogical phenomenon happened in her own life. We’ll be reading through her e-mail in a little while.
For now, I’d like you to ask yourself: “What do I THINK men want?”
Do they want an understanding woman?
Do they want a fun woman?
Do they want a submissive woman?
Sure, different men have different wants in a relationship. But if you’re really looking for one of those REAL, MATURE men who KNOW how to handle a relationship, then stick around — I’ll be telling you TWO very important traits that the best men in society look for.
Now, without further ado, let’s make ourselves comfortable and listen to Gem’s problem.
“I lost my husband 6 years ago and I had not dated since then. I was doing fine until a guy cross my path and somehow my eyes opened. It was like an amazing feeling but I was not ready and I went out with him. I liked him a lot and I fell for him. I made a mistake. I gave too much and I think he lost interest.
I feel so disappointed at myself that I don’t feel like ever dating again (at least not for another year) starting to date after 6 years is hard and I felt that I lost control of myself. I wanted for him to keep pursuing but I think I chased him away. I am going to do what it says in your book. I will not call him anymore. I am afraid of dating anybody else now. I don’t know what to talk about when I am around a man that I may like. I couldn’t keep a normal conversation to keep this guy interested.
Any advice? ~GEM”
First of all, Gem, we’d like to express how sorry we are to hear about your husband. We’re glad to hear, though, that you actually allowed yourself to love another man several years later, even if it didn’t turn out as well as we hoped.
Secondly, it’s obvious you’ve been reading my e-books — you know you did something wrong when you gave too much!
It’s true — when you give too much too quickly, the man also very quickly loses interest.
It’s like a campfire — when you put one piece of firewood in at a time, the fire can last the entire night. But when you put all the wood in at once, the fire won’t last long — but it might even start a forest fire!
Gem, I’ll get to my advice for you in a bit. Right now, let’s discuss the “anatomy” of what men — or at least the ones worth pursuing — really want.
#1 – The REAL men want emotionally-mature women.
It’s easy to find emotionally-immature women around.
They’re the women who are naïve, selfish, oversensitive, or needy.
Naturally, these women are also the most miserable of the bunch. Their emotional immaturity keeps them from enjoying the company of a great man, and instead gets in the way by creating problems and friction in the relationship.
So what goes into emotional maturity?
Emotional maturity means KNOWING and ACCEPTING the fact that no relationship is perfect. An emotionally-mature woman knows that problems will always arise, and little things like missed phone calls, forgotten birthdays, and other women will ALWAYS ruffle her feathers.
But how she REACTS to these little annoyances shows exactly how mature she is.
A real man looks for women who are mature enough to “roll with the punches” in the relationship. Instead of confronting him or making a big fuss about the little things, she finds proactive, positive ways to address them — even using them to strengthen the relationship further.
For instance, a real man never MEANS to be distant. But instead of whining about how he never has time for her anymore, an emotionally-mature woman gently asks him out on a casual date. Not only does it prevent fights, but it also re-establishes the emotional connection at the same time!
When a real man finds a woman who’s every bit as emotionally-mature as he is, you can bet he’s going to think about a more serious relationship with her!
#2 – REAL men want women who respect his freedom.
Let’s face it — REAL MEN know how to have fun.
And even when they’re single, they have many little ways to enjoy life — weekends with his friends, having hobbies, pursuing a meaningful career, and other things.
This is his “freedom.”
And as long as his “freedom” doesn’t involve excessive drinking, violence, gambling, drugs, and anything else criminal, then it’ll be a good idea to learn to respect it.
Sure, getting into a relationship involves a bit of sacrifice from both parties.
But if the relationship forces either of you to give up too much of the things you enjoyed when you were single, then trust me, it’s not going to be pretty.
For instance, if he used to spend Saturday nights with his friends, and all of a sudden you take that away from him, you can bet he’s going to look for a way out on Saturday night!
Instead of FORCING him to give up his Saturday night habits and stay home with you, you can work on a compromise.
I know of a friend who made great buddies out of her boyfriend’s “Saturday night group.” Now she doesn’t only fit seamlessly into her boyfriend’s circle of friends, but her boyfriend also now takes the initiative to mark certain Saturday nights off for some one-on-one dates — or some cuddle time at home.
When you respect his freedom, he’ll return that respect — and do his part to make the relationship even better for the both of you!
What If You’re Still Recovering, Like Gem?
Let’s go back to Gem’s case before we end this article.
Gem, you said in your e-mail that you’d like to take a break from dating for a while. That’s understandable, but here’s my advice — try not to withdraw from the dating game COMPLETELY.
They say the brain is a muscle that has to be worked out. I’d say the same thing about the HEART!
The longer you shut out men from your life, the more quickly your emotions will age, and the less likely you’ll find a good man and a good relationship down the line.
I suggest that you spend the time working on YOURSELF first. Spend time rediscovering your OWN happiness. What were the things you used to enjoy? What were the things you’ve always wanted to do, but never had the time for?
This period of self-discovery will help you get over your past hurts, while at the same time builds your confidence when it comes to meeting new men. As long as you don’t devolve into a bitter, miserable woman, there will always, ALWAYS be good men out there who’d love to know you better!
While you’re getting prepared for the next big love adventure in your life, I suggest you brush up your skills with the 77 Secrets of Love. This e-book series will help you get in touch with a new man’s emotional mind — and help lay a solid foundation for a loving, nurturing, long-term relationship!
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Many of my readers have already written in about how the 77 Secrets of Love was doing wonders for them. Feel free to join the club!
Thanks for reading, guys! If you have any similar stories of your own, or if you have any helpful advice for Gem, please email us at firstname.lastname@example.org
To the happiness you deserve,
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